Since my days recently are spent in an emotional state between a mixture of fear and excitement, I thought I’d talk a little about the fears I – and, I believe, all of us – experience on a daily basis.
“Fear is temporary, regret is forever”
“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” ~ Mark Twain
“Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real”
I have to keep telling myself things like this before I back out of what I really want to do.
Those of us who work online are certainly not taking the conventional path in life. Although there’s huge potential for making more money per hour than we would otherwise, and having more time to spend on things we truly love, the opposite is also true.
Many of us have faith that all the hard work we’re putting in now will pay off in future – this is certainly how I’m working at the moment – so we work long days and make many sacrifices.
There’s also the possibility that things can come crashing down completely, and it will all have been a waste of time.
The Worst-Case Scenario
But that really is a worst-case scenario – how likely is it that everything will go wrong? We’ve all personally been hit by changes, seen our friends take massive hits to their income, yet we’ve gone with the flow and changed our business to suit.
Often, if I’m scared of something, I ask myself “what’s the worst that can happen?” It’s usually nothing more than feeling embarrassed, feeling like a failure, or feeling that I’ve wasted my time. It’s not a life-or-death thing.
When I think about it, internet marketers are some of the most adaptable people I know. Many of us got into internet marketing not because we dreamed of this career since we were kids, but because we weren’t happy with our current life circumstances and wanted to improve things. We may not have achieved success right away, but we took action and we continue to take action every day to live the life we love.
Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real
What I’m trying to say is that there’s always a reason not to go for something. No matter whether it’s travelling the world, putting your writing out there, or quitting your job to work online, you’ll probably regret not doing it more than you will the mistakes you make while doing it. And your fears are probably unfounded to begin with.
It’s not easy to do something different to everyone else. But, if it works, it’ll be more than worth it. More freedom, more satisfaction, more happiness, more money.
This is what I keep telling myself as I worry that my business will fall apart as I hit the road, and I’ll end up having to come back with nothing. This is what I’ve been telling myself with every new idea that meant I had to put myself “out there”, and for the whole time I’ve worked online when I’ve worried about paying the bills and whether this is a viable long-term career.
But I won’t let fear hold me back (no matter how often I let it creep into my head)!
No related posts.
Hey Ruth, I don’t know how old you are but I am guessing you are a good many years younger than I am and I know you don’t have kids. So it’s funny to read this from you as I would have had the same fears at your age/stage of life.
And yet now that I am older, I would be much bolder if I didn’t have the responsibility of kids and stuff. I think once you live through being tied down you dream about being able to take more risks if you weren’t tied down, if that makes sense.
In other words, enjoy the freedom you have while you can! You are young, self-employed, mortgage-free, kid-free – travel and have fun while you can. Because you are right, what is the worse that can happen?
Carrie´s last [type] ..My Summer Recap
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Carrie – You’re right I am not tied down to anything right now, it’s the best time to go but still so scary for me. Interesting what you say about being bolder as you are – I understand what you’re saying. I am hoping I will get a bit more bold soon too!
Twitter: candr72
says:
I don’t know that age or experience has much to do with your ability to push through fear. At all ages and stages we feel that we have too much to lose – whether it is pride or our homes
I am approaching the 4-0, have 4 young children, am ‘real-world un-employable’ and have an employment history about as far from computers and online business as it gets. Before I started I could email, buy nappies and surf/browse. Forums…blogs…webinars….? what were they?
I didn’t need to find an income, I wanted to find one by writing. The fear that I have faced in the last two years has literally been paralytic at times, from starting my first blogger blog, to joining my first online community, setting up my first Squidoo lens, submitting my first article, Setting up my first site (major wahoo!) and more recently having my first WSO.
Do you know what?
I bombed at all of them the first time…. I mean seriously bombed, as in I had to redo everything at least twice!
Know what I learned?
Yes the fear of failure was horrendous, but the feeling of actual failure itself was no where near as bad as I had imagined.
Fear? It just means that you are moving forward – so Bring it on!
Rach
Rach72´s last [type] ..Work From Home 12 Pack
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Rach – I feel exactly the same as you about all this stuff. Every time I try something new, it’s the same. I agree it means you’re moving forward. Plus I don’t know about you, but it always makes me feel proud even if it doesn’t turn out quite right
Twitter: candr72
says:
Sooo, proud!
When I first started I remember Jennifer Ledbetter saying that there would be plenty of ‘punch your fist through the computer moments’ but pushing THROUGH those moments and getting to actually punch my fist in the air with triumph, now that is something I have never felt good enough to do in my ‘previous life’
I don’t tend to find that I ever get fearful very much. I am generally a positive person and only occasionally will get a little irritated with things. It doesn’t last long though. I am much more likely to get irritated than get fearful of anything and I just wait until I pass through it.
I know people say that you should push through your fear and “do it scared”. For me this has never really worked though. On those days when I know I’m not going to be, I don’t do anything. If I’m on a good day, I could write around 25-30 articles with what seems like no effort at all.
On bad days I may only get about 2 or 3 done and I just don’t have that momentum and then I feel like crap. I like having the option to spend a day doing nothing as oppose to try to push through it and fail.
I once read an interview with the author Denis Lehane. He said that when he writes his novels, he puts up a notice somewhere near his computer that says “nobody cares”. He said that it helps him to write without fear and I think that this is true because it reminds him that no one else is judging him so he can relax.
Most of the time we fear what other people think of us and we fear what others will say or do if we fail. We fear that we will get knocked back or fear that what we’re doing isn’t worth it. But, in reality, no one’s really judging that harshly. No one’s going to mind if we mess up occasionally – in fact most people are actually supportive.
We tend to criticize ourselves more than others criticize us because we always feel as though we have to live up to something. Most of the time, the fear that we feel is only the burden that we put on ourselves and sometimes it’s actually easier to be negative instead of positive. For some reason, we seem to grow up being taught to be negative all the time. What’s great about business, and particularly online business, though, is that it pays to be positive and assertive. It gives us chance to learn to be positive again and try to shake off all those bad habits!
I think fear is one of the major reasons why people don’t put themselves out there and it’s great that you’re addressing it. Great post, Ruth!
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Nathan – Wow, your comment could have made a great blog post too! I guess we are all different, but I know I am not a confident person so it makes it all the more difficult. And you are SO right that I am much harder on myself than anyone really is on me. Even when I wrote my mega PLR post last week, I was worried it was all a load of rubbish! Silly.
I think it’s great you don’t really get the fear. Also, on those days where you’re not feeling it and get nothing done, I also agree that it’s best to leave it. I guess, though, if we did that EVERY day, we’d get nowhere.
Twitter: EdieDykeman
says:
I agree Nathan – great Post!!!
Edie Dykeman´s last [type] ..Home Improvement Remodeling PLR Released
Twitter: todayhaspower
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Hey Ruth,
Love the discussion. You answered it brilliantly, not to your readers, but to yourself.
I was recently interviewed for a blog post and a question touched on this topic.
This was one of my responses:
I reckon it must stem from my childhood and things holding me back. We all have THINGS that are keeping us where we are. It could be our feet on the ledge before jumping (bungee jump), or not sitting down to write the first page because it might not be good enough. I just decided that I might always have a fear of heights, but, I’ll just have to be afraid on the way down. I may always think my writing is sub-par, but it will be while handing the finished product to an editor. I don’t believe in self-imposed boundaries that imprison. I believe in forcing the issue, and let’s just see where it ends up.
end-
As it turns out, my wife and two children will soon (w/in 3 months) be hitting the road in an RV. Of course, friends and family alike are giving us all the, “What if’s…”
Most of the questions could be asked even if we stayed.
In the end, what exactly is guaranteed?
Enjoy your travels.
Rob´s last [type] ..The Today Has Power Interview With Calvin Coolidge | Hard Work, Persistence, Progress
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Rob – Thanks for the great comment. ” I just decided that I might always have a fear of heights, but, I’ll just have to be afraid on the way down. I may always think my writing is sub-par, but it will be while handing the finished product to an editor. I don’t believe in self-imposed boundaries that imprison. I believe in forcing the issue, and let’s just see where it ends up.” – that’s exactly how I feel right now. I am scared of lots of things, but if I gave into fear I’d probably never do anything :/
About the RV trip – so true about the “what ifs…” being true even if you stay at home. There are “risks” in everything. Love that you’re setting off on the trip with your family. Look forward to hearing about it when you go!
Twitter: EdieDykeman
says:
Fear has stopped me so many times in the past that I am tired of feeling fear. So….now I am trying to push through no matter what and I’m finding what I feared wasn’t so bad after all.
I loved seeing those quotes as I’ve been a long time collector of quotes.
You made valid points that we should all take a look at as we continue to work this business. We all need to keep moving forward, but it will be the ones that do not that eventually drop away.
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Edie – Glad you’re not letting fear stop you
This is exactly how I feel too.
The thing is, all those long hours we work…. When we had a normal job we did that and still worked all these extra hours. We actually now do our hobby for a job, frickin awesome!!!!!
You have done awesome and will continue to do so.
Forest´s last [type] ..Welcome to RegularRunner.com
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Forest – True, so true! Sometimes I get in a funk where I just don’t enjoy what I’m doing, but mostly it’s great. Thanks for bringing up a point I completely left out!
Hi Ruth
I have just started to follow your blog from your PLR email and boy did this post come at an interesting time for me! I fear failing at this business because I am so over working in a j-o-b for reasons I think that most of us want to leave jobs. I can’t just leave work as my partner has been made redundant and I am the sole income earner at the moment, so the plan is to keep working and then maybe work part-time until I earn enough to do the IM full time, which incidentally I really, really love! Then maybe I won’t have to stay up until 1 am to do the things I need to do!
I have also pondered the question about holidays! For my main blog I really want to build a community but what if I want to go overseas? I guess you can set posts up in WordPress to be posted on a regular basis and then just try and catch up on the comments side when you can. You can’t just stay at home for the rest of your life though otherwise you may as well have an ordinary job. I don’t think you should worry about your business, you write fantastic PLR and the beauty of IM is that people will still find your site even when you are far, far away!! I follow Scott Pape who is the Barefoot Investor and he wrote an article once, he was in a big city overseas and all the young people in the cafe had computers and he made the point that you can do your business from anywhere in the world now. Well, maybe not in the Amazon Jungle!
I have just downloaded your free article as well about faster article writing as unlike Nathan I can write one in about 8 hours which made me realise that I needed to start getting into the world of PLR!
jan´s last [type] ..Stress and weight gain explained
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Jan – Thanks for your comment. We all have to do what we have to do sometimes, but it’s great you’re working on IM on the side. I think having such an important reason for doing it makes it easier to meat your goals, so I hope you do!
Fear of the unknown is a natural and potentially helpful human protection mechanism which can keep us out of trouble (like from entering a dark alley). However, it can also prevent us from enjoying certain activities like travel or starting a business (fear of failure).
It is not wrong to be fearful. The important part is recognizing fear for what it is and taking the necessary risks anyway. It seems like you are at least cognizant of fear in your life. Now is time to just do it.
cashflowmantra´s last [type] ..It Must Be Free Money Week!
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Thanks Kidgas – very true. Fear can be good in certain situations, like James said in another comment it can push us to do our very best. As long as it doesn’t hold us back.
Twitter: TheAvgGenius
says:
I’m not afraid of much these days other than one of my kids would get hurt – but nothing really ‘holding me back’ in business. I Tweeted about the difference between an “aspiring writer” and a writer is just taking action (which you kindly RT’d) – I have to ask what everyone’s afraid of?
In 2011, there’s no excuse not to write, really, if that’s your thing. Unless it’s stage fright…but anyone who reads my blog, for example, knows I’m full of mistakes but that’s OK.
Partially I think a lot of the fear holding back web publishers is the fear of appearing flawed…but really who isn’t? Or a fear of a website bombing – that’s OK, make another.
Good subject – being afraid has its place (like when your life’s in danger, you don’t want to go on the tightrope – I get it), but in business it’s more a matter of minimizing risk and that happens at every stage (keyword selection, for example, is minimizing risk).
All I meant to write here was great post and the fears holding us back need to be re-examined for what they really are (I no longer fear looking stupid, for example, I just let it all hang out).
James Hussey´s last [type] ..Playing For Keeps
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
James – You are completely right in that there’s nothing logical to be afraid of. The problem is when your brain doesn’t listen to logic, no matter how hard you try. I, for example, am not a self confident person by nature. I question everything I do, even if it’s an insignificant blog post. That’s my problem: I know that the worst that can happen isn’t that bad, but “the fear” is still so difficult to push through. I admire you for not fearing feeling “stupid” and in all honesty I envy you. I do fear it, among other things, though I am glad to say I’m not letting it hold me back
Twitter: TheAvgGenius
says:
Well I maybe lied. I was afraid that nobody would read my ebook, for example, and glad to say people have been 99% positive about it. The fear of rejection, if I’m honest, does drive me to excellence in what I publish (read: I edit for much longer than most people, my default is: “that stinks, try it again”).
But I dunno, I think the fact that I’m making money with words has validated me such that the fear of rejection is not really as loud as it once was, but when it comes to writing books it’s loud and clear and I can be “Very Much Afraid” from Bunyan’s classic.
Now I’m afraid I’m a pathological liar after thinking through your comment…great. I AM a fraidy cat.
Honestly, though, I think that “fear” when it comes to acceptance and/or rejection is present in a lot of artists. Bad example, maybe, but Lady Gaga is a classic example of this – she’s purely insecure by her own admission (a Howard Stern YouTube video clip, I was surprised to see it, it’s a clean clip but interesting look at a side of her I never would’ve thought existed).
So you’re an artist on one hand…
On the other hand, my wife and I are attending a group study of the book “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (loveandrespect.com), and it’s interesting that the fear of rejection is so pronounced in certain people. In that study, largely it’s a common problem with women in particular, though it’s classed as ‘feeling loved.’
For men, it’s more about ‘feeling respect,’ it sounds so simplistic but after 17 years of marriage I can say we’re cliche examples of it. Anyway, your comment reminded me of the first session and it makes sense that’s your fear (fear of rejection), but I also think it’s common to artist/creative types…and I have it myself in book writing.
BUT YOU ROCK SO QUIT KIDDING YOURSELF.
Not exaggerating, you’re one of the best online publishers that’s still kicking and screaming, Ruth. Your PLR, newsletter, blog – you’ve got “IT” whatever “IT” is.
Talent, heart, wisdom and business savvy – you’re doomed to success.
Suck it up.
James Hussey´s last [type] ..Playing For Keeps
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
James – Thanks for the excellent discussion on my blog. You brought up an excellent point about editing your eBook for so long. On the one hand it is good that fear drives you to be the best you can, as long as it doesn’t cause you to edit for so long you never get it done. Obviously that was not the case with you. I have to say I’m glad that fear exists because it means you take pride in your product, and you can out with something really good, worth putting your name to – maybe some people could use a little extra fear before they release some of their eBooks?
You are right though, e.g. with the making money with your writing, it certainly helps reduce the future fear. I feel the same despite my lack of confidence. I used to be so scared about any blog post, now it’s only occasional fear like on posts like this one where I feel I open up a little more personally.
Thanks for the great comments
And no I don’t think you were a liar in your last comment lol! I completely get where you’re coming from. There’s NO reason to feel fear when it comes to the kind of things we do. It’s so easy now, comparatively, than what we would have had to do in the past to get our writing out there, and there’s not even a huge financial risk in our line of business. I just need to train my brain to automatically remember this and stop giving the irrational fears weight.
Twitter: JulieBMack
says:
Ruth,
Thanks for the inspiration. Working online can induce a lot of fear until you can really get going in your career. This takes time, and I have certainly hit a lot of walls. I still zig-zag my way through the Internet, trying to find more work that aligns with my goals. It certainly is not the traditional route as you mention. It is a work in progress every day – writing, blogging, marketing, job searching, etc. In the end, it is probably worth it, but the road blocks along the way certainly feed the fear we all feel.
Julie McElroy´s last [type] ..Looking for a Personal Tour of Colorado Springs?
Twitter: webcareergirl
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Julie – I agree, there are so many ups and downs, especially when you’re trying new things and aren’t quite sure what you want to stick at yet. Sometimes I even fear things I’ve done many times before, I guess it’s just my personality. But at least pushing through the fear is something to feel proud of
Hi Ruth,
I had been following you for a little while and truly, I don’t think you have anything to fear. I like your blog and your a good author, just keep going and stop thinking :0)
Sunny´s last [type] ..Dealing with a massive 85 168.13$ worth of debt
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Sunny – Thanks so much
Twitter: pegbaron
says:
Hi Ruth,
I know Fear quite well, but the older I get the more I know that Regret is worse. When I’m too old to do anything, I don’t want to Regret that I didn’t take action, didn’t live my dream because of Fear.
Or put another way, my biggest fear is regret and it drives me to take action despite having fears because I’m afraid of regret.
Ok, I’ll stop now…
Seriously, I only have 1 kid left at home before he heads off to college next year. I can see that my opportunity to travel is just on the horizon and I’m going to take it.
Good for you, Ruth!
Peggy
Peggy Baron´s last [type] ..I’m Feeling Like Giving Away Some Marketing Books
Twitter: webcareergirl
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Peggy – That’s a great way to put it and you are totally right
Twitter: esmconcepts
says:
Hi Ruth,
I know you might be nervous thinking about getting away.
I’m 60 now and one thing I do know today is; all the things I wanted to do and did’nt.
Even if you do hit hard times, it will be memories that will bring great pleasure in your later life.
The water might be deep. Learn to swim!
Steve´s last [type] ..Website Design Development – The Paint on the Front Door
Twitter: webcareergirl
says:
Steve – Thanks Steve! You are so right.
Twitter: directbanc
says:
Hello Ruth,
Your article really spoke to me, as I have recently ventured into the online business world as well. It is daunting to be responsible for every facet of the business, and its success or failure. You are right that fear can hold you back, but it can also be a great motivator! I wish you the best of luck and I’m sure that you will be successful, just keep moving forward.
Monica´s last [type] ..How to Build Good Credit: A Beginners Guide to Credit
Twitter: webcareergirl
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Monica – Thanks for the nice comment, it’s nice to know people understand what it’s like!
I have come to the point of what you are telling here and I almost gave up. But there’s one important thing I learn, that there are lesson we can learn from any seeming failures that comes in our lives. If we take those lessons, it will guide us to the right path.